[I originally wrote this on my other site, but a.) it was the result of products sold at alter ego linens, and b.) that's a lot of typing to just go to waste on one post. My hands are all crampy. Ctrl+C is so much easier...]

So I sent a gift to a woman I never met. But she made me laugh and I appreciated her back story and sometimes ninja-gifting just feels right. She posted a response that resulted in a few hundred comments (boiiiing), many that left me feeling simultaneously flattered and not-quite worthy of the f-bomb inducing passion her followers bring to the table.

It was a quirky few days of mild internet fame to which I graciously curtsy. Everybody needs a group of (expletive hurling, metal chicken idolizing) cheerleaders just once in their life, no? 

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Erica M September 22, 2011: The greatest place in the world is the embroidery shop in the mall that personalized those towels without complaint.

Dear Erica M - I so wish this was a mall order. Walking past Ann Taylor with the finished product casually slung over my shoulder would have been stellar. 

Deidre September 22, 2011: The disclaimer is so true. Why waste a fabulous towel on a stabbing wound?

Dear Deidre – I know, right?

Tazer WP September 22, 2011: Whoever made those towels should be a motherf-ing saint.

Dear Tazer – You’re not Catholic, are you?

laurie September 22, 2011: My dog’s medicine always comes with the sticker, “Do not drive or operate heavy machinery.” Which really pisses me off, because who’s going to make my 7-11 run for more wine NOW???

Dear laurie – Your comment has nothing to do with me, and yet I feel like we’re kindred spirits.

Veronica September 22, 2011: Best towels ever? Probably.

Dear Veronica – Typically asking, then answering your own question is my #1 pet peeve (and why I haven’t watched a political debate in years), and yet, your words are like a whisper on a breeze. Funny.

Leah September 22, 2011: The sender of those towels wins life. Hands. Down.

Dear Leah - Score! Is there a tiara?

StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? September 23, 2011: Well played Sarah.

Dear Stephanie – Seriously.

Dani September 23, 2011: Mad props to whoever sent you those. Ummm… could I give her my address? (I would like towels, shower curtain, bathmat, and toilet seat cover, please thank you.)

Dear Dani – Why yes you can. Though I’ve never been big on matchy-matchy. And don’t you find toilet covers a bit creepy? My aunt had one circa 1982. I’d run to pee, dripping from her pool, and my wet backside + the cushioned cover would result in a vacuum affect around my 5-year-old frame. You don’t know humiliation until your older boy-cousin has to “release the seal” suctioning your butt to a toilet. Lingering trauma. No seat covers.

Tami September 23, 2011: Those towels are so freaking cool! I hope Mannered Gold is ready for the flood of orders she’s going to get. You know all of your readers are going to want them now. You’re like the Oprah of crazy-ass products. I’m sure the metal chicken industry owes you a HUGE thank you.

Dear Tami – YOU GET A TOWEL AND YOU GET A TOWEL AND YOU! AND YOU! AND YOU GET A TOWEL!! Greatest giveaway EVAHHHHH!! (Not really. But tap me into Oprah’s funds and I’ll set y’all up in linens.)

Elly Lou September 23, 2011: Oh Sarah…you came and you gave without taking. Oh wait, that was Mandy.

Dear Elly Lou – I’ve been Manilowed. (sigh) I can die now.

Dangerboy September 23, 2011: That is just tremendous. I’m a little bit in love with the internet right now that those towels even exist, much less that you posted them. You make me furiously happy. Which is good, really, since this week has been an exercise in being trampled by life as if it were a herd of rampaging pygmy sloths. And that is a long f-king trampling, let me tell you.

Dear Dangerboy – That sounds painful. AND dangerous. Slowly, painfully, dangerous. Do you need a hug? A towel? I’ll send you a towel AND a hug. But the hug may be weak. I have the upper arm strength of a kitten. Or sloth, if we dare not mix metaphors. 

Casey September 23, 2011: I want those towels. Pretty amazing that I can actually buy them. I heart the internets.

Dear Casey – I’ve never understood the term “internets”…or “interwebs” for that matter. I assume it’s a reference to some Homer Simpson-like quotation. Am I right?

Karen Hawks September 23, 2011: I’d like the motherf-ker towel for my fiance’s bathroom, please.

Dear Karen Hawk – Never too soon for marriage counseling. Never too soon.

Phoenix Rising September 23, 2011: This is exactly why I don’t throw out my crappy towels… because you never know when one of your guests will get stabbed.

Dear Phoenix Rising – I sense by your screen name, you’re not new to the realities of stabbings. We appreciate your insight.

Karen September 23, 2011: Those towels ARE FULL OF WHIMSY.. where can we buy them?

Karen – ‘WHIMSY’ IN CAPS MAKES ME SNORT.

Carolyn September 23, 2011: God I hope a major department store sees this blog post and starts selling towels like that.

Dear Carolyn – Hear that Macy’s!? Martha’s run is getting stale, we cry, stale!

Mandy September 23, 2011: Seriously, that’s the best present ever. I would totally walk around my house in a towel that said mother-er. All. The. Time.

Dear Mandy – Appreciated. But one word: chaffing.

jennielynn September 23, 2011 at: My god, Sarah is wicked awesome. I bow down, lady. I bow the f- down.

Dear jennielynn - Rise, dear child. I am as mere mortal as you. Except for this septor I carry around. But that’s obviously just for protection.

Kernut the Blond September 24, 2011: I have family coming over later to see my RV and I need those towels. Seriously.

Dear Kernut – Have you met StephanieC?

Julie the Wife September 24, 2011: If my PTA used “Knock Knock Motherf-er” towels as fundraisers instead of the lame-ass sh-t they do now, our kindergarteners would be pissing in golden urinals and every kid would have an iPad.

Dear readership – RISE UP! Julie for President, 2012